...class.
Today, 13 became a soldier of Christ. He was confirmed. In the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church, he's a man.
Somehow, I don't think he really cares. In fact, I know he doesn't. Religion class and all those hour-long weekly sessions of catechism are done. But you couldn't tell that from the pained expression on his face as he processed into church with a gazillion other 13-year olds making their confirmation. He looked more like a skel on a "perp walk" than a kid taking part in a solemn procession.
It even killed him to wear a decent outfit. He work a pair of khakis with a striped blue Oxford shirt, a Navy blazer and a tie that barely matched. Look at him with his head of Roger Daltry hair. Does this kid look like he'll ever want to wear a suit and tie when he gets older? Fuck. I hope not. Please don't take an office job like your dad. In fact, if my plan works out, I'll be leaving my office job, too....to drive trains. But that's a post for another day.
Back to 13.... Part of the Sacrament of Confirmation is having to choose a confirmation name. The name is supposed to have some spiritual significance. Most kids choose names in honor of someone they admire or a deceased relative. 13 had other ideas. His choices were Jebediah (a variant of Jedidiah) and Zebedee because "they are names in the Bible", and because he found them funny. He finally settled on Zebedee.
E. was was not amused by his choice and called him on it.
E.: C'mon, can't you choose a normal name like Paul or John?
13: No. They said I could choose a name in the Bible and I want this one.
E.: I have to hand it to you, I least I know you're paying attention in church because I know you're not reading the bible at home.
13: So what's your point, mom?
E.: Well, if you want the name Zebedee, you're going to have to research the name for me and tell me who he was.
13.: Okay...I'll use John.
And so it went. The ceremony lasted an excruciating 90 minutes with most of it being chewed up by the auxiliary Bishop of Rockville Centre, Paul Walsh, who delivered a most uninspiring sermon based on a sappy Keanu Reeves movie "Hardball", to which he gave absolutely no credit. Somehow he melded that feel good story into "the sanctity of life", which is code for "I'm about to read you the riot act on abortion." Yes, the Bishop gave his abortion schpiel.
When the moment came for 13 to stand before the Bishop and give his confirmation name and receive the blessing, E. was very worried he would say Zebedee. I was taking bets on it, but no one bit. I would have lost. He gave the name John.
There is some good that came of this event.
For one, he doesn't have to go to religion class ever again.
Two...my family was in one place long enough to snap this picture.
Three...I finally found a new online name for 13.
Congratulations Zeb! You are now a man!
One More Article / Un Altro Articolo
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Over the years teaching at La Scuola d’Italia NY, I have learned that
children are not just students; they are careful observers of the world,
full of q...
6 months ago
Geez, Spartacus, I don't know about this "man" stuff. WWIII is on the way and as there's now no old-age limit to service, it won't be long before they remove the lower bound. I would have to do everything in my power to stop John McCain from sending Zeb into Caracas. I like the words "joven," "adolescent" and "teenager" better. Safer.
ReplyDeleteBesides if this ritual is anything like it's Jewish counterpart all Zeb gets is the right to be counted in a quorum for a church service and/or be one of six carrying a relative's casket.
But, for real, congratulations all around. It kind of is a nice ritual, although my folks gave me the OPTION which I sensibly declined!
If I were the type of person to come over here and split theological hairs, I would disagree with that whole man business, but I am not that kind of person.
ReplyDeleteThat terminology does apply to the tradition of our Jewish brothers and sisters when they become men or women at their Bar/Bat Mitvah.
I left the church after my confirmation in 1972.
However, we all know how that story worked out some years later.
Hey, someone has to agitate from within.
Congratulations to him for making it through the gauntlet.
Kelso - I don't know about this "man" stuff either, but part of this growing process Zeb is in right now is learning how to make choices for himself and live with them. Yeah, I'd like to keep him safe from war in his "juventud", but he's is his own person, and, at 13, remarkably resolute, even with regards to this "ritual."
ReplyDeleteAgain, while he's not one who's very high on religion (by his own choice), he's also the kind of person who sees things through. Confirmation was one of those things. Ergo, he chose.
Fran - I would expect nothing less from you than a theological hairsplitting, and your comments -- in agreement or disagreement -- with what I write here are welcome. Always. I really don't mind when you "agitate from within" because it's open and frank dialogue that keeps one's wits sharp.
Thanks for stopping by. I'll pass along your thoughts to Zeb when I see him later. Pax.
Zebedee? Heh, heh. I think I picked a normal name, William, for the same reasons as your son. Less hassle, let's get this thing over with so I can get home and watch baseball on the teevee.
ReplyDeleteRG - Is it possible that you picked William because of your love for The Bard? ha ha. I hear what you're saying about the hassle. Like you, this was simply not a battle worth fighting, especially not when the alternative is an extra hour a week to hang with his friends, jump his bike over huge piles of dirt, play GTA4 or watch the Celtics/Pistons or Spurs/Lakers games.
ReplyDeleteA train? Did you say you want to drive a train? Please, are you really doing what your profile says you're doing in an office right now? And you want to drive a train? My head spins with the possibilities (it's ok, I want to be a farmer and I'm sitting in here on a Friday afternoon making my sarbox system safe for posterity (my next IT audit).
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats to the young man for seeing it through regardless of how he chooses in the future. Emphasis on young as I'm with Kelso on the man part.
Yes, Alecto. I really want to drive trains. I wish I had come to this realization years ago as I stood like a dork in the front cars of trains watching the world come at me.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Zeb goes, I hear what you and Kelso are saying, but I rather let him decide what's best for his life and be there when he needs me or E. to explain things.
Spartacus: My ex is more observant than I am and in retrospect I'm glad she insisted in a formal bris by a mohel instead of just by the doctor. We had a wonderful party and gave Kelso Jr the Jewish name Yaakov Chaim.
ReplyDeleteI'm an atheist but I do appreciate much of my cultural ritual.
My ex and I are in accord on his being or not being bar mitzvah. If he CHOOSES to do it, he'll do it through a Humanist shul. FYI: this is the most un-orthodox of Jewish sects. We observe the ritual and teachings but ALL references to the supernatural are removed from the liturgy and texts and replaced by words such as "humankind" and "community" and "love" and "peace."
That's awesome. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Zeb! He is a man of character.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in the Episcopal church (High Church - now with Smells and Bells(tm)), and we had to do much the same, and at much the same age to be confirmed.
I chose St. Christopher -- because of Whinney the Pooh. I never realized they were different books. Oh well, I could have chosen Piglet.
I swear moments later, the Church disowned Ol' Chris and said in fact that St. Christopher never existed.
But what was best of all, the bishop who confirmed me (and I might mention I was the last one in line), the very next week went on a vision quest, and they have never, ever, found the body.
I come by my lack of faith honestly, Spartacus.
Regards,
Tengrain
spart
ReplyDeletefirst congrats ---- you still have to be proud, whether he said Zeb or John or Jeb (no not that Jeb)
i have some hebrew name, but since my bar mitzvah i have no idea what it is -- nor do i care
i give 13 some credit -- he followed through, he put on a jacket and he made his parent proud!
as for the trains -- well i got that one already
Kelso - I hear what you're saying about cultural rituals and so forth, but for me it's more like a rite of passage. Zeb lives in a house where one parent is an atheist and the other a Catholic. Somewhere a balance has to be struck, and this is how it's playing out - religious instruction until confirmation, then let them decide if they want to remain in the faith or not.
ReplyDeleteAlecto - thanks. I think so, too.
Tengrain - Thanks for your well wishes for Zeb. Yes, he is a man of character. But, tell me -- where have I seen that "vision quest" line before, and why does it apply here? Sure, the auxiliary Bishop of Rockville Centre gave an awful sermon but I'm sure he won't disappearing anytime soon.
As for your lack of faith, it's gratifying to know that you also came by it honestly. I wouldn't have it any other way.
DCap - Thanks. I am proud of him. Zeb's a great kid...err, I mean man. But I have to admit being surprised by you not remembering your Hebrew name. As for the train thing, yeah...you did get it, didn't you.
Congratulations, and I like "Zeb"'s new name! ;-)
ReplyDeleteGreat picture of your family!
Thanks MG! Zeb's da man!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to you and E for raising such lovely children. May you always have enough of what's important.
ReplyDeleteI was raised an Anglican (Episcopalian) by parents who were non-churchgoers. Since our house and church were both well off the beaten track in the countryside of Ontario, my Dad would drop me off at Sunday school and return an hour or two later to drive me home. I got thrown out of the Sunday school for being disruptive and asking difficult questions so spent the time lying in the graveyard grass staring up at the undersides of trees and imagining I was looking down into deep water. It was very peaceful. Once the weather started to get cold I told my folks about the dismissal. I never did go back for confirmation classes but everything worked out okay anyway.. at least I think it did.
Spartacus: As I recall, the best part of confirmation was knowing that I would never, ever have to go to another catechism class again. Ah, good times. That said, when my nephew was preparing for his confirmation I suggested as confirmation names Benedict (after the new pope, of course) and Innocent...forget which number, but the one who was a Borgia and had a son with his daughter who may have also been a pope. My nephew was really tempted, but his parents weren't exactly supportive. GMB
ReplyDeleteP.S. You sure are a beautiful family.
Encourage him to become a marine biologist. He can wear shorts and a tee to work every day. He can be on the beach at sunrise. If he worked for Mr Pop he would have a hell of a fun job that is also tough at times, but never dull.
ReplyDeleteCongrats to "John" for making it through this.
susan - thanks for the well wishes. I will pass them along. However, I must say, you tell the best stories, and when I get home from work tonight, I'll share it with Zeb and E and let them know that everything will work itself out okay -- confirmation or not.
ReplyDeletePiNYC - Zeb could not be happier over the end of cathecism class. Maybe you guys can start a support group for catachism class survivors....ha ha. As for the Pope Innocent name, Zeb would have been all over that. Too bad, he doesn't have you as an aunt. Finally, thanks for the kind words.
Thanks PoP! I'll let Zeb know. But considering Zeb has no clue what he wants to do for a career, that he lives two miles from the Great South Bay on Long Island, loves ocean swimming, and can't stand wearing any type of "formal wear", I'd say marine biology might be his gig. Does Mr. Pop need an apprentice? He's fearless, a fast learner, and a hard worker... and, of course, as you know, he'll finish the jobs he starts. He'll love that the work's not dull. Whaddya say? ha ha...
Spartacus: If you were my nephew's father, he would have Benedict as his confirmation name. I was overruled. Sigh. Congrats to Zeb for making it through cathecism class.
ReplyDelete