The End Of Religion...

...class.

Today, 13 became a soldier of Christ. He was confirmed. In the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church, he's a man.

Somehow, I don't think he really cares. In fact, I know he doesn't. Religion class and all those hour-long weekly sessions of catechism are done. But you couldn't tell that from the pained expression on his face as he processed into church with a gazillion other 13-year olds making their confirmation. He looked more like a skel on a "perp walk" than a kid taking part in a solemn procession.

It even killed him to wear a decent outfit. He work a pair of khakis with a striped blue Oxford shirt, a Navy blazer and a tie that barely matched. Look at him with his head of Roger Daltry hair. Does this kid look like he'll ever want to wear a suit and tie when he gets older? Fuck. I hope not. Please don't take an office job like your dad. In fact, if my plan works out, I'll be leaving my office job, too....to drive trains. But that's a post for another day.

Back to 13.... Part of the Sacrament of Confirmation is having to choose a confirmation name. The name is supposed to have some spiritual significance. Most kids choose names in honor of someone they admire or a deceased relative. 13 had other ideas. His choices were Jebediah (a variant of Jedidiah) and Zebedee because "they are names in the Bible", and because he found them funny. He finally settled on Zebedee.

E. was was not amused by his choice and called him on it.

E.: C'mon, can't you choose a normal name like Paul or John?

13: No. They said I could choose a name in the Bible and I want this one.

E.: I have to hand it to you, I least I know you're paying attention in church because I know you're not reading the bible at home.

13: So what's your point, mom?

E.: Well, if you want the name Zebedee, you're going to have to research the name for me and tell me who he was.

13.: Okay...I'll use John.

And so it went. The ceremony lasted an excruciating 90 minutes with most of it being chewed up by the auxiliary Bishop of Rockville Centre, Paul Walsh, who delivered a most uninspiring sermon based on a sappy Keanu Reeves movie "Hardball", to which he gave absolutely no credit. Somehow he melded that feel good story into "the sanctity of life", which is code for "I'm about to read you the riot act on abortion." Yes, the Bishop gave his abortion schpiel.

When the moment came for 13 to stand before the Bishop and give his confirmation name and receive the blessing, E. was very worried he would say Zebedee. I was taking bets on it, but no one bit. I would have lost. He gave the name John.

There is some good that came of this event.

For one, he doesn't have to go to religion class ever again.

Two...my family was in one place long enough to snap this picture.

Three...I finally found a new online name for 13.

Congratulations Zeb! You are now a man!