We're not cool

What makes a cool parent?

I've been pondering this question the last few days because whenever I talk to my friends about our kids -- especially the young, single ones -- I end up talking about all the fun stuff.

"Hey, how are the kids?" begins a typical "cool parent" conversation. "They're great" I say as if I'm auditioning to be the new voice of Tony the Tiger. I chat them up about the concerts our kids go to, the activities they engage in, and how well they're doing in school. All this is true.

"You're such a cool dad, Spartacus!" They say. "I wish my dad had done that for me when I was that age."

Heh. The compliment is accepted, of course, because it's genuine and heartfelt. But would a compliment be paid for saying that sometimes my kids suck, and that they're lazy, self-centered little brats? That would be so inappropriate to the moment, yet sometimes, that's exactly how we feel.

Holy shit. Did Spartacus just say that about his kids? Yeah I did. I don't always mean it, but there are times, when Skippy and I have to come down hard with the hammer; shorten the leash, if you will, and be the autocratic, dictatorial parents we are expected to be. Clearly, Ward and June Cleaver we are not.

From one day to the next, we really don't know how we'll resolve a family problem or dispute. We have our own lives and personal issues to deal with that don't always allow us to successfully referee disputes over who gets to use the family computer first. Sometimes, we let the kids kick the crap out of one another. Sometimes we find them annoying and swear at them when we're really pissed. Sometimes we even slap them on the head. Think of the eyebrows that would get raised if we mention all that in casual conversation. Would someone call Child Protective Services on us? Possibly.

I guess my point in all this is that we're typical parents, raising a very typical family. In this slice of Americana that we occupy, we don't see ourselves as being cool parents, and I don't know anyone who does. We try our best, but don't always get it right. Our kids opinions of us change depending one how nice or mean are to them that day. This is how it really is.

So, no. We're not cool. We're normal. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

Grown Up Tag....

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Noodle's Date

"I have to talk to you, Spartacus"

This is how Skippy greeted me as she walked through the door this afternoon after returning from the beach with the family in tow. She had some news to share with me about our girl Noodle.



Her words barely registered with me. I was too busy reading about all the fabulous "Kick Ass Blogger" awards being tossed about.

"Noodle wants to know if she can go to the movies alone with Joe."

SCREEEEEEEECH!!!!!!! BANG!

Now Skippy had my attention. "So what do you think, Spart. Should we let her go?"

I took my time responding to the question. I was ill-prepared for this eventuality despite having said on several occasions that I would not freak out. All of a sudden I was having visions of my little girl hanging out with some boy I never met who would probably try and do things to her that I tried doing to girls when I was 16.



But there she was leaning on the banister to the steps leading upstairs staring at me with those soulful eyes, begging me to respond with a yes. I fought off that demon Dad in me. You know. The one that automatically says no whenever the subject of boys comes up?

"Sure Skip. I don't see what the big deal is." I responded.

"Thank you Daddy!" Noodle said to me, but before she went bounding up the stairs, the inner shot-gun toting, protective Dad in me came to the fore. I had to ask a question.

Me: Hey Noodle. Will we get to meet Joe at some point?

Noodle: Mommy! Daddy's being mean!

I took that as a yes.

Epilogue:

She came home at about 11 o'clock tonight after taking in Batman: The Dark Night. Skippy went to pick her up when it was over. When I asked Noodle how her date went, she gave a terse, "Fine," and went off to her room to IM her BFFs about her night.

Skippy came in after her. "It looks like this could get serious. He paid for her ticket."

That was all I needed to know.

Update: I thought adding this YouTube video to the post might be appropriate:

Oh Yeah....About That Test...

I passed.

About three weeks ago, I sat for the CISSP exam . Brutal does even begin to describe the ordeal. It covered all 250 questions in four of the six allotted hours, and emerged onto the empty streets near the Jacob Javits Convention Center wondering how I could be so stupid to blow $550 bucks for another professional designation.

Well...I passed. Here's the proof.

Dear Spartacus:

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have passed the Certified Information Systems Security Professional (CISSP®) examination - the first step in becoming certified as a CISSP.

The second step in the certification process requires submission of two additional items:

1. A COMPLETED ENDORSEMENT FORM. The endorsement form and instructions are available for download at https://www.isc2.org/cgi-bin/content.cgi?page=1278.

2. YOUR RESUME/CV. Please provide a copy of your resume/CV along with your Endorsement in one email (Note: your resume/CV should be the same as the copy you give to your endorser).

Jeez, as if taking the test wasn't enough! Now I've to find full-fledged CISSP and grovel for their endorsement. Next their going to want blood samples to make sure I didn't take any steroids. Man, I feel so dirty.

I'll say this for the CISSP designation -- from an employment perspective, this is a nice card to have in my hand because in Corporate America, IT Security is a huge, HUGE, deal.

I can't imagine why.

So, even if I sometimes loathe working in a cubicle for "the man," it's a J-O-B like any other that helps pay bills and the feed hungry mouths of these three mangansones.





Is there a better reason than this?






Before I leave you, give this sample question a try:

1. Which of the following is not an encryption algorithm?

   • Skipjack
   • Twofish
   • DEA
   • SHA-1

Leave your answer in comments. Or if you care to peek.....









Answer: SHA-1. The SHA-1 is a hashing algorithm producing a 160-bit hash result from any data. It does not perform encryption.

Teach Your Children....

Please forgive this shameless plug for a fellow blogger, but a few days ago DCup of Politits and part of the Jonestown Super Team, wrote an open letter to her children, or as she affectionately calls them, her spawn. Rather than leave a comment over at Jonestown where the piece is posted, I thought I'd use my own forum to laud what is the most heartfelt and moving piece of literature I have read in a long, long time.

Most of you who read my blog have already seen it, so I'm really aiming this post at the lurkers, friends and family members who stop by on occasion.

Here's the link --> An Open Letter To My Children

Please read it. But when you do, open it in a new window (a right-click will work), then come back here and play the YouTube video below.

Thanks for allowing me this indulgence.