I know Garrett Quedens. I never met him before, but I know him.
Garrett Quedens is any young 14-year old child of suburban parents. He has lots of friends. He never cuts class. He rarely gets into trouble. Everyone that knows him describes him as a good kid.
Living in the Town of Babylon, which includes the Village of Lindenhurst where I live, I run into lots of Garrett Quedens all the time. In fact, I live with one. You know him as Zeb.
I also know his parents, Thomas and Gizella. I never met them, but I know them. They're not much different than me and Skippy or from our neighbors who work hard to provide a comfortable home in which to raise their children.
That's why this story threw me and Skippy for a huge loop. This could be our story.
No one could have forseen Garrett Queden being found dead in the early morning hours of New Year's Day, much less freezing to death after downing a bottle of vodka with his friend.
But that's how it went down, and now we have lots of questions.
Not so much of how it could happen, but if it could happen to us.
The answer is yes.
We broke down the circumstances behind Garrett's death.
He was out late.
We live in a bedroom community where it gets dark, cold and quiet early in these parts during Winter. So, whether one's curfew is 12 midnight or 8PM is negligible. The streets of Lindenhurst and West Babylon are fairly safe, and most kids know to avoid the trouble spots. After all, our neighborhood is not an idyllic, crime-free community.
His parents did not know where he was.
Like many kids his age, they all have their usual hangouts, and most parents know where they are. Garrett's was in a wooded section at the end of Watson Avenue. Zeb and his pals like to go to the athletic field behind Lindenhurst High School. When they get bored, they move to other haunts. These days, they all carry cell phones, so it's alot easier to get in touch with them. But regardless of whether they're carry a phone or not, when they are out of the house and on their own, they never roam far from home.
He drank a liter of vodka with a friend.
Okay. Garrett did a stupid thing. But that comes with the territory of being 14. As it turns out, this mistake cost Garrett his life. But it's still a mistake. His parents probably had that talk with him about the consequences of consuming alcohol, taking drugs, and premarital sex without making the boy feel like an idiot. That said, he died on a brutally cold night. He could have been hit by a car while walking along a poorly lit street.
The biggest fear of any parent is losing one of their children. Sadly, Thomas and Gizella Quedens fears have been realized. Their realization could just as well be ours.
And there's the rub.
This could have happened to anyone's kid.
So, yeah, I know Garrett Quedens. I never met him, but I know him well.
And I because I know him, I grieve his loss.
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Over the years teaching at La Scuola d’Italia NY, I have learned that
children are not just students; they are careful observers of the world,
full of q...
6 months ago
That's unbelievably sad.
ReplyDeleteI recall something similar happening a few years ago, also in the cold, where a bunch of kids, late at night, went out in a boat and drowned or froze to death or both. I think that might have been in Queens or the Bronx, I'm not entirely sure.
I don't have kids, so I can't imagine the stress parents must feel when, even though they have "good" kids, there is always the off-chance that something like this could happen. kids being kids and all.
But it only stands to reason for everyone to cherish every person in our lives, every single day. Because life is often very, very, and quite often devastatingly, short.
Heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteIt's a sobering thought that, no matter how well you think you've prepared your child to deal with life's dangers and threats, at some point they are on their own.
Knock wood, but so far (our eldest is turning 20 in 2 weeks, our youngest is 16) our kids have been fantastic about keeping in touch with us while they're out. We've always told them that if they ever screw up and get wasted while they're out to never hesitate to call us, and we'll come rescue them no questions asked. Basically, the calling us would very nearly erase whatever trouble they would have gotten in for getting wasted at a party. Neither one has had to use that lifeline so far.
If it helps any this happened while I was in high school to two of our friends. One died of exposure on his own front lawn and the other face down in a brook. Both deaths rocked our town. What came out of this, for a good many of us as teenagers, was the beginning of an understanding of our own mortality and also the understanding how much we mattered, watching the families of these boys grieving.
ReplyDeleteI am so very, very thankful it's not Zeb. I am so very, very thankful it's not my Megs. I'll hold her closer (she likes that still anyway.
Thanks for sharing this.
Tragic story indeed.
ReplyDeleteHow did the kids get their hands on the vodka? According to a related article:
"Ishmoile Mohammed III, 19, and Reynold Jennings, 23, both of West Babylon, through a mutual acquaintance and asked them to get them booze, said Det. Sgt. Thomas Groneman."
and:
"The deal: $10 for vodka plus $10 for gas. Jennings bought the liter of Georgi vodka at a North Babylon liquor store, police said, and Mohammed gave it to Quedens' friend, who hid the bottle at a hangout spot: a makeshift camp next to a small bog in a wooded area near their homes."
This situation is going to get nasty. Will Mohammed and Jennings face manslaughter charges? Are they criminally liable for Quedens' death?
Will they claim they're not responsible for Quedens' behavior after he got the vodka?
Anita... this is a sad story and one which is the result of several stupid acts. But when Skippy and I tried to discuss this with Zeb last Saturday during dinner, he paid attention in that I-know-don't-bug-me-about-this sort of way. I can't say that I blame him, but that's why I wrote the post. Zeb's 14 and can't see how this relates to him.
ReplyDeleteIt's always a crap shoot with our kids, isn't it Bubs. I wonder if we'll breathe that sigh of relief when they become full-fledged, on-their-own adults. If my parents are a barometer, probably not.
Alecto... I can only hope that something good does come from this incident. If Zeb's reaction is any indication, I wonder and worry. But I'm with you on being thankful. It didn't happen to us.
NS... The short answer to your questions is, I don't know. But it's a good question, and in the coming days, that's one that needs to be answered. I don't know what the NYS statute is governing these types of crimes nor what class of crime it is -- felony or a misdemeanor. I have a few cop friends I can ask. What I can tell you that in other publicized instances where minors were caught serving alcohol to adults, I don't recall the "perps" ever getting jail time. I could wrong about that, but that's my recollection.
This is so sad. When I read the story and saw the picture of the boy I said that this could have been any 14 year old boy. I wish his friends and family my thoughts and prayers. I know we discussed this with Zeb and hopefully he listened to us. It makes you want to hold on to them a little tighter however at the same time you need to let go and trust them.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Our 16-year old either hangs out at home or at the homes of her friends. I'd imagine that something like this is far more common with boys than with girls, not that I have the statistics in front of me, though, like Bubs, we've said that if they ever end up out of it, for whatever reason, call and we'll come get them.
ReplyDeletevery sad story...
ReplyDeleteLosing a child is difficult enough, but to lose a child to something like this...so sad.
ReplyDeleteMy son has always been adamant about not drinking alcohol. For some reason (which pleases me to no end) he never wanted it or wanted to try it. He's 18 now and to be polite we offered him a glass of wine at Thanksgiving. To my surprise he said he would like to try some. He took one sip and pushed it aside and said he didn't like it and poured himself a glass of Coke instead. I hope he never changes.
Oh...and just a side note (sorry if this is too long). My second daughter married a guy who turned out to be an alcoholic. I guess she didn't see the signs before they got married and found out quickly that he was very much addicted and started to become abusive. Anyway, they've been divorced for about 7 years and the guy barely kept in touch with his own daughter (she was two years old when they divorced). The guy is so far gone with the booze that if he doesn't start his morning off with a drink, he has seizures. He has no desire to quit drinking until he dies. His birth father, he found out, was also an alcoholic and a drug addict, which explains part of what is going on with this guy. Anyway, my daughter is concerned about her own daughter possibly becoming an alcoholic or into drugs when she gets older since studies say that it is hereditary. She talked to a physiologist about it who recommended that parents start talking to their children at a younger age, starting as early as 7 or 8 years old, about the dangers of drinking. This is especially important for children of parents who are alcoholics. The doc said it's best to talk to them at an age when they still listen and trust in their parents wisdom. If you wait until they are teens, they already think they know more than you (isn't that the truth!). My daughter said they even have story books for young kids about this subject.
Anyway...there are a lot of Garret Quedens out there and we can only do our best to get them the message as early as possible.
Again...sorry for the long comment.
My sister-in-law spent 10 years teaching on the Little Wound Reservation in S.D. Not a winter passed that she didn't lose at least one kid to similar tragedy. You don't have to be out there long, unconscious in cold weather to be gone. Kids so often take their lives and general good health for granted.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you and your family are having to contend with the sadness. You love them and must give them room to maneuver on their own but the worry never quite goes away no matter how old they get to be.
What a tragically sad story. Looks like I'm going to have to have a chat with my 16 year old nephew when I visit in a few weeks. Like Zeb, he's a good kid, but sometimes good kids make bad decisions.
ReplyDeleteIt is a terribly sad story and indeed it could happen to anyone. When you drink in freezing temperatures it makes you colder. I remember that from a ski instructor I had a million years ago who was explaining why we shouldn't bring wine with us on the slopes in one of those leather bags. Something to do with blood vessels.
ReplyDeleteI taught my son early on was that if he wanted to drink and even get drunk, that I would appreciate it if he practiced at home to learn how much he could take and what the results are.
I explained to him that he shouldn't trust his "best" friends to take care of him, especially if they were drinking too, and he would wind up in a gutter somewhere.
Let this be a wake up call to those stupid assed Long Island legislators who made parents criminals if they allowed under age drinking in their homes, even if the kids were sleeping over and not driving. No excuses, no buts...
I think the real deal is that you care enough to write the post.
ReplyDeleteIt all has to start with caring.
Max did not drink in High School. But I cared enough to tell him that if he was ever in a situation where he needed a ride because HE was drunk, or the DRIVER was drunk, that I would show up.... no questions, no lectures,,,,, any time, any place... for the safe ride home.
Then I would show him, again, the scars around my right eye and make him feel the little bit of bone chip that floats in the eyelid.
Never had a concern. Never got the phone call. (whew!)
Keep caring and Zeb 'll be OK.
Thanks all of you for your comments to this post, especially those of you who have raised kids to adulthood and those who are still in the process. I shared it precise for reason all of you stated, I care.
ReplyDeleteI also want to say thanks for the great advice you've all given me and Skippy about the whole drinking issue. We've never sat our kids down and told them that they can rely on us to come get them should they find themselves in this state. We're aware of the probabilities, and your thoughts here will go a long way towards addressing it.
Thanks everyone. From the bottom of my heart, thanks.
spartacus, you wrote:
ReplyDelete"I don't know what class of crime it is -- felony or a misdemeanor."
The death of the boy changes everything. The prosecutors will attempt to have the buyers charged with felonies.
and:
"...in other publicized instances where minors were caught serving alcohol to adults, I don't recall the "perps" ever getting jail time."
Assuming you meant adults buying liquor for minors, I'm sure the penalty for contributing to a hangover is much less than the punishment for fatal negligence and the indifference to life that is central to this case.
It happens that a series of memoirs by admitted alcoholics has been published in the NY Times over the last month. The memoirs inspired hundreds and hundreds of on-line responses at the NY Times website. An astounding number of readers confessed to years of trouble due to drinking. They seemed to have overcome their alcohol problems. Most suggested that getting an early start made things worse.
Meanwhile, the powerful and subtle influences encouraging people of all ages to drink are everywhere at all times.
NS... I'm glad you came back to comment. I was going to update this post new information; that the two kids that purchased the liquor for Garrett and his friend were charged with misdemeanors. I guess the Suffolk DA's thinking is that it would be difficult to prove a felony charge of indifference, since they didn't purchase it for them directly and they had no idea only two kids would drink it. That would be my thinking.
ReplyDelete