All Aboard the 6:17AM to Penn Station

There's never a dull moment about the 6:17AM train to Penn Station. Every Monday through Friday -- except on days when I don't feel like dragging my ass out of bed so early or going into work -- I hook up with four of the nuttiest people I know.


There's Pat, a dysfunctional IT Auditor just like me who always sits next to my pal, Jack, the Empire State Building's coolest union plumber.




To the right is the day school Italian teacher from Sicily, Maria. She's the Christian who celebrates Christmas in December, but says Jesus' real birthday is in September, and then covers her ears and yells "LA LA LA I"M NOT LISTENING!!!" whenever me and Jack decide to trash the Bible.


Rounding out our intrepid quintet is Carmen, a residential property manager, who just happens to be a fellow Puertoriqueña (living in Lindy, no less), who was unavailable the day these shots were snapped for the 6:17 train's year book.

What makes these morning ridings so entertaining is that we have no shame or limit on the topics we choose to riff on. It's like a Linda Richman's Coffee Talk...

Talk amongst yourselves...



We always do.

The other day the topic was hermaphrodites. It all started with a comment Jack made on why he takes long morning showers: "I like the way the water feels on my penis", to which Carmen followed quickly with, "I like the way it feels on mine, too." This led to speculation on exactly what kind of "package" Carmen is packing, "Hey! Hermaphrodites are people, too," I shouted.

Yikes! You would think that a bomb like that would lead to a subject change. But no. Carmen chimed in a few moments later with a story of her niece, who recently informed dear 'Titi Carmen' that "I have a vagina, but my brother doesn't. He has a penis." This spawned school teacher Maria's story about a bathroom show-and-tell incident in which a little girl proved to a little boy that she had no penis. "So how do you go?", the little boy asked. Could there be a more vexing question?

But Carmen simply couldn't leave well enough along. She had to tell us a story about a lesbian that lives in one of her buildings, who is the mother of two kids. Quipped Carmen: "She must have a had a thing for penis at some point."

Me: Yeah. Or maybe she just asked a man to leave a ....ahem...deposit? What wonders one can achieve with a turkey baster.

All this before the sun even rises.

As I ponder whether Jamie Lynn Spears was proving to Casey Aldridge that she is indeed penis-less or showing him how she goes (maybe she was working wonders with a turkey baster), I leave you with this gem from Melanie Safka. While you're listening, stop on over at Politits for the Big "O" celebration and make some noise.