Lately, I've trying to figure out new and creative ways to get out of going to church. I am an atheist and E. knows this, but because she is still an Xtian, and a Catholic one at that, I promised her that I would help maintain the the ruse with our kids that I am still a believer.
So what's an un-believer to do? Housework.
As we were sitting at the dining room table noshing on our usual Sunday morning breakfast of bagels and coffee (regular), E. asked me if I was going to church this morning. The conversation ran something like this:
E.: You going to church?
Me: Uh....no.
E. (Letting out an exasperated breath): So what are you gonna do?
Me: Um....aahhhh....I think I'm going to clean the bathrooms!
E.: Really! That's great! I was going to do that today when I got home.
Me: Yeah. They were looking kind of skanky and you've been busting your ass around here lately. I figured...
E.: You sure. I don't mind if you just stayed home.
She saw right through it and played along with me, but you have this little scene was played out for the sake of the kids. It was kind of like keeping up the whole Santa Claus ruse, except that this one has to be played out week after week until I come clean.
Who knew being an atheist would be so much work? Yeesh. The blogger MeThink did when she* posted this little ditty last month.
“I Do” not do housework!– say husbands nationwide
* - no gender noted in profile, but this it is my belief that this is something only a woman would post.
If only for a day, I feel that I can count myself amongst those husbands who is bucking the trend because I spent the better part of the morning scrubbing toilets and tubs and wet-swiff mopping the tile floors. But I wasn't finished there. My hands still smelling of Comet detergent, I went to the basement to get the steam vacuum to clean the carpet in our living room that is Chester's favorite place to recline and chew his rawhide.
I'm no housework slouch. But when you expand the definition of what is and isn't housework, I could point to many "big ticket" projects that were the product of my imagination and doing. This is one such shining example.
Cleaning bathrooms and rugs, cleaning dishes or doing laundry pale in comparison to mammoth effort it took to refinish my deck last year, but I admit, this is not an every day job. Dishes get used everyday as do the bathrooms and clothes, all of which require a daily effort to keep clean; and all of which E. ensures gets done with her effort and her force of will. She doesn't pray for a miracle to keep our clean, she busts her ass.
Listen, I know that I'm not as active or as willing a participant in the daily housework as I should be. In that sense I bow to E. and all she does to make our house livable. I just can't go to church anymore, and if I want to keep up the "believer" ruse for the kids, I think I'll be visiting the bathrooms for alot more than just showering or taking huge dumps.
This is my dilemma -- come clean or clean house. What's an un-believer to do?
One More Article / Un Altro Articolo
-
Over the years teaching at La Scuola d’Italia NY, I have learned that
children are not just students; they are careful observers of the world,
full of q...
6 months ago
Wow.
ReplyDeleteI know it's your life and only you know how to live it, but I can't really see the value in lying to a kid about this, particularly if you really feel that religion and superstition are not good things for sentient beings.
Again, not that anyone asked. Just my feelings on the matter.
Much love,
Cliff
You know what Cliff? Neither can I. But one of the the interesting and frustrating dynamics of a household such as mine is that I'm not the only one with a powerful influence over their lives.
ReplyDeleteAnd, to be fair to E., my decision to become an atheist and disavow any form of faith-based decision making is recent -- as in a few years ago. I don't think it's really fair to our kids for me to announce to them that I no longer believe. The fallout from such a statement would fuck them up for years. I'd rather they figure it out for themselves what my situation is, and, hopefully, ask me about it.
Trust me, if I had felt this way before I married E., I would have insisted on their being raised without a faith. But the facts being what they are...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDCup-
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for the edit suggestions, but when it comes to the issue of housework, I am quite "presidential" in my stance.
For the record, that deck took about six months to complete; and that's with the help of 13. I suppose what I should have written about was my repair of the stockade fencing that separates our yard from our neighbors or installing a new air-conditioner in our basement so that my kids can have a place to hang out at night that isn't sauna-like in summer. (As most Long Islanders with basements know, they're notorious for trapping heat and humidity.) The latter tasks certainly provide more value than a mere deck refinishing project and require a greater effort than scrubbing a toilet or turning an ignition key. Nonetheless, I am grateful for all E. does for us. As I said before, she busts her ass.
Religion is a whole other matter. I've thought about letting my kids know how I feel about God and religion, but I've come to regard that as cruel. How do you go from being a God-fearing, Pope-believing, Catholic to a fiercely independent atheist? That's a topic for another post, but even E. couldn't understand after I explained it umpteen times. Can you imagine the faces of my kids trying to comprehend this "all-of-a-sudden" switch?
But I suspect that The Eldest and 13 are on to me. And you are right -- my "atheism" books are in plain sight for them to see. But I know they're not reading them, not because they lack the requisite curiosity, but because it's one of Dad's books and they've automatically assumed that they won't get it or like it. Funny how the teen-adult dynamic works.
Due to a number of stupid reasons, I haven't been here for a couple of days and look at what I miss. I will start my comments here and then move upward to the more recent post.
ReplyDeleteSpartacus I admire this post tremendously for its honesty, for its statements and for its questions.
You are in an interesting position, but one in which I think you can act as the most brilliant resource for your kids.
As one who believes I can only say that my beliefs are based upon my struggles and questions and doubts. If one does not stop and question and doubt I am not sure that one can believe anything... Anything as complicated as what faith might mean as well as something like saying you are a patriot.
We live in an ideological society which seems to demand that we choose one path and that is that. Bullshit I say.
We must as humans examine, search, seek, read, reason, question, argue and so forth. How else can it be?
Sorry, really ranting here, sorry!
So as for your clean house and your deck.. and as for actually going to church, you know what you must do.
The kids- I think that the truth may ultimately be the best route but how that is imparted is the challenge.
You are right to think it would f them up by just saying "don't believe" and that is that.
Perhaps the path is to explore how doubt can lead us to places that we do not expect. If your kids learn to trust their inner resources- intellectual and otherwise, then you have done the best thing ever.
It is really hard stuff Spartacus, I feel for you.
Thanks for this tremendous insight into who you are. Thank you.