I thought of this while I was out walking my dog tonight. As I was turning the corner of Centre Avenue and Albert Street in good ol' Lindenhurst, NY, I happened upon a young man in a beat up pick up truck wearing a camo-safari hat and greasy "wife-beater" t-shirt. He was blaring some old Ozzie tune as loud as his standard-issue Delco stereo could go and waiting for him on the passenger side was, what appeared to be a scared, young girl.
Okay, appearances can be deceiving. After all, former President Bill Clinton, an Arkansas native, was also a Rhodes Scholar. (I apologize for offending any Arkansans, but the name of your fine state and Rhodes Scholarship are not exactly synonymous. But if it makes you feel any better, he's proof that smart guys can be assholes with women, too.) But I digress....
While I didn't mean to cast aspersions on this young couple who I did not know, the scene got me thinking about how easy it is for guys like this to play on the fears on young women like the girl in the passenger seat, and trap her into a life of poverty, misery, and abuse. This is why I wrote the ten things I would say to my 15-year old daughter, and why, I offer you now, number 11.
11. Never willingly put yourself in a position to have to rely on a man to support you for the rest of your life, or in a position that allows an able-bodied, intelligent man to rely on you for life-long support. He will fail you each and every time.
This is guaranteed. Take care of yourself first. What does this mean? It means become a self-sufficient woman. It means never give up your educational, vocational and/or professional aspirations for the sake of his. It means that entering into all financial dealings with him equitably, if not equally. It means taking a practical approach to gaining a mutual understanding with him on what it means to be with you, and, ultimately, gaining his respect. If a man can't or won't allow you to spread your wings and fly in the direction your heart and mind desire, then he's not the man for you.
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ReplyDeleteIndeed. I've seen this all too often and I think it's time we close the curtain on Jerry Springer's train-wreck relationship theatre.
ReplyDeleteBTW...I'm thinking of developing a similar set of truisms for 15-year old boys. Any and all help from BitchMoms and PrickDads would be appreciated and welcomed.