Chester here...
Contrary to the post the other day in which my man-servant Spartacus riffed about me in a less than flattering manner, I really can speak and type on a keyboard and express myself in a lucid, intelligent manner.
Here are just a few facts about me:
I am a dog. As far as I can tell, I am a black dog, but then again color interests me little. I can't concern myself with hues I can't really see. I'm more of a smell, taste and hear type of animal. And, anyway, who needs the drama?
Gardiners Park in Islip, NY (that's on Long Island for all you non-New Yorkers) is my absolute favorite place to visit. Spartacus and Skippy take me there often because they're allowed to let me off my leash, and in doing so let me express my inner canine. How I love that park!
I don't particularly care for any other animals other than my fellow canines, and even then, I am prone to getting a bit upset if I smell one that has been pissing on my favorite trees and utility poles. I don't apologize for my behavior. That's just my way.
Cats in particular make my coat bunch up, and I go crazy when Spartacus quips "Chester, where za cat?" But the truth is that I am pussy in a very street sense. Quite frankly, felines scare the piss out of me, especially the ones that are not de-clawed.
I expect compensation for my loyalty and subservience. I know my place and that I am one or two nips at a nuisance child's ass from being sent back to the pound. But throw me a bone here Spartacus and not one of those rawhide ones. Can you stop making me stand on my hind legs for 20 seconds in order to receive a treat. And that "roll over" trick? Please stop. How would you like it if I made you show your privates for a snack or a beer. That's just too far below my dignity. I'm just sayin...
But I do appreciate my human family and all the love they give me. Even after five years of living with them, they still play with me and pay attention to me on a daily basis. And, my gratefulness for them rescuing me from the North Shore Animal League on December 26, 2003 is limitless. I don't know a thing about God and Jesus, but if I did, I would consider their act of kindness the best Christmas present a dog like me can ever get. I love you guys....
Thank you MSEP readers for taking the time to read what I have to say. I don't know if I'll write more posts here. It all depends on how often Spartacus leaves his laptop unattended. I was able to get at it this time because Spartacus ...ahem... was temporarily indisposed.
But I promise you this... I will bite Spartacus on the ass and piss on his leg if he ever criticizes a blogger (even indirectly) for allowing their non-human companions post on their sites. We have thoughts and feelings, too, even if we don't possess the anatomy to express them in human language, and it's an unfettered act of generosity to allow them to do so.
If he ever does that again, don't be afraid to tell him, "Hey Spartacus. Shut the fuck up!"
One More Article / Un Altro Articolo
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Over the years teaching at La Scuola d’Italia NY, I have learned that
children are not just students; they are careful observers of the world,
full of q...
6 months ago
Chester you know that we think you are a great dog but I have a big favor to ask you. Can you please, please, please STOP shedding all that thick black hair all over my carpets.
ReplyDeleteSkippy, my brother and sister-in-law's dog sheds hair everywhere...not just the rugs. Hell, I find some on my coat after I leave there from a short visit. But she's the sweetest dog you will ever meet (Chester excepted, of course), and yes, she was rescued as a pup from a pound. Pound dogs are the best dogs ever.
ReplyDeleteOh, and great post, Chester.
Chester -
ReplyDeleteTell Sparty that it is now your blog, 'K?
You got a schweet deal there, 4-legs, don't blow it. He's a pushover for a wet nose.
Lucky boy,
Regards,
Tengrain
And make sure that you continue to embarrass spartacus as often as possible because it makes us laugh.
ReplyDeletechester - does spartacus know about the stash of porno you keep underneath the stairs
ReplyDeletei wont tell if you dont.
ps - carlos the cat says hi - he loves to annoy dogs
Skip... Thanks. And I think you're a great human. I'm really sorry about your carpets, but there isn't much I can do about the shedding. Why don't you try brushing me some more?
ReplyDeleteThanks Pissed... you're so right. Pound pups are the best, but so are the older dogs and cats, too. Oh crap. Did I just say cats were cool?
Tengrain... on second thought, I think I'll pass on taking over Spartacus's blog. He's a pushover alright, but part of the shweat deal I gots here is because I let Sparty do his thing and he lets me do mine.
Randal... knowing that I make you laugh will give me more reason to needle Spartacus on his blog. Look for it.
DCap... damn it! Would you STFU about my porn? Jeez, you wouldn't want me shipped back to the pound do you? And tell Carlos I said the feeling is mutual.
Chester, Baxter and Diva here- we send our regards. We know where you're coming from, it's great that Spartacus and Skippy rescued you and that you were at North Shore in the first place so you could get a New Home. We were Very Lucky that way too!
ReplyDeleteKeep stealing the Computer when you can. We don't always get a chance to Blog either but we get to now and then!