Dentists visits are always a mix of pain and pleasure for me.
On the one hand, I hate sitting in that damn seat while the hygienist is poking at my gums and teeth with a sharp tool or that super-powerful water-pic that sounds like a grindstone sharpening a tool.
On the other hand, the hygienist that cleaned my teeth was pretty hot -- even under her burka-like uniform. Well, okay, she didn't look like the burka-clad lovely in the pic on the left, but being attended to by a hottie hygienist always makes the pain of having your plaque-laden teeth prodded, scraped, and poked an absolute pleasure.
In my oh so-sexist pursuit on the Internets for more hottie hygienist information, I came across this brilliant post from blogger Mister Peace who attempts to answer the question, Dental Hygienists: Why Are They So Hot? Here he states what has been so obvious to me, yet blissfully unsaid until now.
Ah, but no story of mine is complete without some conflict-resolution subplot. One of the cool things about the dentist I visit is the LCD TV attached to the dentist chair. I was even given a remote to change the channel and engage in one of my favorite Saturday morning activities -- watching SpongeBob Squarepants. Apparently, this struck a nerve with my hottie hygienist who doesn't share my opinion that SpongeBob Squarepants is the most brilliant modern "kids" cartoon ever. She told me, in very coded language, that SBS was "too over the top" (read: too gay) and that she doesn't let her kids watch it (read: she's rather they watch Pastor Osteen than pollute their pure eyes and minds with animated homo-erotic send ups.) This is too over the top?
It wasn't exactly a hair-pulling drawn out death match between this atheist and a hot, teeth-cleaning x-tianista, but her carelessness in de-plaqueing my teeth after our SpongeBob discussion was noticeable -- she managed to squirt water in my eye and get some of that gritty tooth polish on my shirt. No matter, any animosity I harbored for her dislike of my favorite animated yellow sponge went out the window when she rested two of the softest boobs I ever felt on my head as she was cleaning my bottom teeth. Awesome. In tribute to that titillating tooth cleaning, I give you this:
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Over the years teaching at La Scuola d’Italia NY, I have learned that
children are not just students; they are careful observers of the world,
full of q...
6 months ago
You are both very lucky to have had the stimulating experiences you've had with your hygienists. Or maybe I'm lucky for not having had them.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived in the city I had a great dentist and a great hygienist who had a masterfully gentle way in cleaning my teeth, was radical politically and had the box sets of BEAVIS & BUTT-HEAD, SOUTHPARK, SPONGEBOB, and her personally recorded SEINFELD collecton to watch. She was both happily married and rather unappealing to me. But, shit, she was there to clean my teeth not polish my cane. You take your edges where you can in this life.
So, Diane, wherever you are: "thank you very much for your dutiful attention to my teeth, your generous contributions to Kucinich and Planned Parenthood, and all of the great stuff to watch."
my hygenist is hot also ---- i loved this story
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ReplyDeleteThanks all! But here's the dirty toothed secret about this post was the chance to connect a picture of a somewhat disrobed muslim woman, a SpongeBob and a Green Day video. Writing about my visit to the dentist was the only way to do that. I'm happy to know that no one caught on.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about SpongeBob. Pure. Genius. Actually, Spongebob is the only other place you might find a somewhat disrobed muslim woman, SB and a Green Day song...or maybe that's Family Guy. In any case, I want a dental hygenist to rest two boobs on me about now.
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ReplyDeleteI agree. Family Guy is also standard fare in my household. I wonder what my hygienist would have thought of that.
And speaking of dental hygienists, doesn't everyone want their DH's boob pressed against their heads? II hardly think I'm in special company with that notion.
We love Family Guy here at WeAre Central!
ReplyDeleteMy dentist(still the downstate version, I can't give him up!)does his own hygenic work. True.
And he is a gay man.
It works for me!
Franny -
ReplyDeleteYes. Family Guy. Definitely Must See TV in our home. As far as you dentist/hygienist, all I can say is "pobrecita." I'm sorry that you have not know the wonder of a pair of soft hygienist boobs on your head. Not better than sex, but pretty damn close.... LOL!
I'm 100% with you on SpongeBob. I have 2 little boys who adore him, and I spend every Saturday morning cracking up with them. Who knows what I'll do when they're grown and I can no longer use them as my excuse for watching SpongeBob?
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ReplyDeleteMaybe you should stash a few SpongeBob full season DVDs in a closet somewhere and watch them on a portable player in the dark after everyone's asleep. It worked for me when I was reading Penthouse as a teenager. Just saying....